Operation Johnson
by FriendsToLoversContest
Summary: After a night out celebrating, two best friends find themselves in an Alice-induced predicament. There's striped underwear, naked girl-tummy and a couple of handcuffed fools. There's poking and prodding and no more time for waiting, and Urban Dictionary, too.


**Title:** Operation Johnson

**Summary:** After a night out celebrating, two best friends find themselves in an Alice-induced predicament. There's striped underwear, naked girl-tummy and a couple of handcuffed fools. There's poking and prodding and no more time for waiting, and Urban Dictionary, too. My Friends to Lovers Contest entry. Warning: Only 18 or Older for Language/Lemons.

**Pairing:** Edward & Bella

**Disclaimer: **The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Rating:** M

**Prompt(s) used:** #12 (Tiny T-shirt), #14 (Beach), #16 (Cuffs), #39 (Cooking Class), #45 (Stripper Cries)

**Word count:** (not including summary or submission header) _10,312_

* * *

The bed is shaking.

Why is the fucking bed shaking?

And why do his arms hurt so much? His head is _pounding, pounding, pounding_… it may very well kill him it hurts so bad. Like the kind of pounding that makes you want to hide your head under your pillow forever.

He buries the left side of his face further into his soft pillow. That's weird, too, because Edward knows that his pillow should not be soft. His pillow is hard. And flat. He takes a deep breath. Vanilla and rose.

Huh.

"_Stupid metal bed frame…"_

Oh.

"_Stupid sexy passed out boy…"_

Bella.

Suddenly he doesn't find it so difficult cracking an eye open. And when his right one cracks a little, it then pops wide, taking in the scenery before him. The scenery of rainbow striped panties, naked pale girl-tummy, and an extremely thin, see through, pale pink, tiniest-of-tiny t-shirts.

She _was not_ wearing that last night.

He knows.

He one-eye stares.

His mouth would water but it's too dry. Dehydration will do that to a guy.

Attempting to smack his lips so he can speak, a throaty garble emerges instead, "Bell_aaagh_—" Cue hacking dry cough.

"Don't look at me, Edward! Don't you dare open your eyes until I get us free!"

Too late.

It's obvious her mouth isn't as dehydrated as his own. The bed shakes again. His brain rattles painfully inside his still-pounding head. He closes his cracked eye immediately, but he can't help his grin.

Bella huffs. "I am going to freakin' kill Alice!" She girl groans, then.

He's still smiling because, you know, he just saw Bella in her underwear. Clearing his throat, he finally gets out, "B, stop shaking the bed right now unless you want me to retaliate in a cruel and unusual way."

"Retaliate?" She scoffs, angry. "Fucking retaliate, Edward?" The shaking escalates frantically. "I'd like to see you try!"

Game on.

His right hand lifts from his soft and fluffy pillow to grab at his angry best friend, only making it about two inches before its movement jerks to a stop. His one eye pops back open in disbelief.

He tries to move his other hand but he finds that's restrained, too.

_No fucking way_. "No fucking way...those two fucking—"

"EDWARD!" She shrieks. "Close your eyes! I told you to keep them closed!" She is freaking out in a serious way.

Bloodshot green eyes flash to wide brown ones. His next words are unnecessary. "We're handcuffed to your bed, B."

She gives an irritated snort and eye-roll. "Well, thank you very much, Captain Obvious!" Bella shakes the wrought iron bed frame one last time in frustration and then sits back down with a huff, her knees bent under her. Then, another unnecessary statement, but from her lips this time around: "I can't find the keys."

Keys?

As in… plural?

Lifting his pounding head too quickly for anything good, he looks up over the pillow at his hands where they are each held prisoner; his left hand is handcuffed near the wooden nightstand, with a bottle of water stuffed through the empty dangling cuff, separate from his right. That's when his right hand flops around like a fish because Bella is yanking at their shared handcuffs exaggeratedly and whining.

Her right hand is handcuffed to his right hand through the headboard's design of winding vines.

Well, fuck.

His head flops face down to bury itself into Bella's baby blue, sateen-covered pillow, and he groans long and low as he lays sprawled on his stomach.

He hears a giggle. "You know, I can see your ass crack."

His head whips up and he sees over his shirtless right shoulder that, in fact, his boxers have slipped low and his ass crack is showing at the top… and he can't do a goddamn thing about it. They are lying on top of her comforter, too. It's cold.

Head-flop back to said pillow, he glares with one eye at Bella as she bites her full lower lip and continues to side-eye his exposed _area_. Her face turns pink and he swears that he hears a small hum of appreciation in the back of his best friend's slender throat before she quickly glances away, running her left hand through her long, messy, morning-after-visiting-a-strip-club hair.

Wait.

"Bella, why is your left hand not cuffed?"

Turning back to him, she gives him an incredulous look, her free hand still up in her hair. "Seriously? Like I can even begin to guess at the workings of Alice's inebriated brain, Edward." She turns her head and looks out the window over the frame of her queen-sized bed.

He can't help what he does next, because he is a guy and she is… _Bella_. His cracked green eye flicks from her pretty face to her chest, where two hard nipples poke out at him clearly through that thin light pink fabric. Yeah, he is _not_ unaffected.

"I bet those jackasses are having a hearty laugh at our expense right now. I hope Jasper gets plane sickness over the Atlantic and pukes all over his soon-to-be-dead new fiancé." She huffs and then looks back at him, seeing his one cracked eye trained right on her chest, and then she proceeds to screech at him. "Edward, stop staring at my tits, you perv!" Her hand flies from her hair to strike him hard on his ass… right where his crack is showing.

_Smack!_

Oh fuck.

He freezes, as if he wasn't already immobile. His butt cheeks clench tight instinctually.

He may have liked that a little.

"Ow."

"You totally deserved that, punk." Her hand covers her breasts protectively… or tries to, anyway.

The hand that she just used to smack his ass is now touching her breasts.

Great. Now he's hard. Like, very hard. It's trapped underneath him, too, and he is _not_ on the small side, either. He shifts his hips, hopefully discreetly, saying, "Give me a break, B. I've seen you in less than that before. And now my ass stings."

"You were _sooo_ checking out my tits."

"Every fucking day…" It's mumbled.

"What?"

Just to clarify here, it's not the first time Bella has made him hard. She has always had that sort of effect on him. She just doesn't know about it. Seven years of effect, to be exact. Seven years of Edward hiding it, too.

For instance, there was that time after college graduation five years ago, when they were with Rose and Angela and Ben at Mustang Isle down at the Gulf, and she had worn that then-new red string bikini to the beach. Yeah, that was a good day. Or not, depending on how you looked at it. He got so fucking sunburned hiding in that saltwater.

And then, that time just after she launched her business and she was teaching her new cooking class on how to bake light, fluffy, spiced pumpkin bread… and she was just stirring, stirring, stirring… and parts were jiggling, jiggling, jiggling… and he was staring, straining, twitching. Yeah, he couldn't hide in the Gulf that time and had to leave. Don't think he didn't smack the back of Emmett's head before he left, though. He did. Hard, too. And, that fuckwad Mike's.

It had happened many other times under pretty normal-for-their-circle circumstances, of course. Holiday gatherings, birthday celebrations, movie nights, or just talking on the phone. Okay, it had happened practically every time they had any interaction, since that first fucking day he had met her after their Sophomore year at Southwestern U.

Go Pirates.

But this, however, is the first time she's made him hard while they are trapped alone together and handcuffed to her bed wearing just their underwear. Well, and a tiny-as-fuck see through pink t-shirt. His hips shift down into the mattress… _totally involuntary_. He can't decide if he is trying to relieve the pressure or somehow get his boxers back up to cover his crack.

With a gruff voice, Edward replies, "Just… nothing. Look, here's the thing, B. I really don't think that I'm the one who's the pervert here. I'm not the one who lets their best friend just lie there, helpless and exposed."

She eyes him _all over_, then she bursts out laughing. "You can't be serious, Edward. Do you know how many times I have seen your naked ass?"

His eye twitches, because he fucking does know how many times she's seen it.

Twice.

She laughs again, reaching over to prod at his exposed ass "Poke, poke, poke," with her pointer finger. She goes quiet, saying, "You've got the cutest little hairs right…" while rubbing her finger softly at the top of his ass crack, "…here …" He's suddenly on high alert.

This is so not fair because this action of hers, however hilariously immature, causes him to clench and grind his trapped dick into the mattress again on top of her fucking vanilla and rose smelling blue flower embroidered comforter.

She gasps.

He growls a little.

"Edward…" She pauses. "Did you just hump my bed?"

"No… maybe… yes…"

Her eyes are glued to his ass as he does it again. "Oh, my God!" It doesn't sound quite as disgusted as she intended.

"It's your fucking fault, Bella. Stop touching my ass while you're in your rainbow panties and your nipples are torturing me like that!" Fuck!

Brown eyes flash to his, which are now squeezed shut tight. She glances down to her pert nipples, their darker rose color clearly visible through the thin pink cotton t-shirt, and then back to his scrunched up face. "Um… you… uh, I mean…" She blinks and shakes her head a little. "Um, my nipples actually _torture_ you?"

Embarrassed, he buries his face back into the fluffy pillow. "You know what I mean, B." It's muffled. He can feel the heat on the back of his neck. "And I am fucking dying of thirst and my head hurts like a bitch. Get that bottled water for me, will you?" His left hand gestures to its location, still stuffed into the dangling part of the handcuff next to the nightstand. "I'm seriously dying."

She's stunned, blinking again and staring at the back of his messy, sexy boy hair. Then her eyes drift down his lean muscled back to where his skin is reddening right where she'd poked and smacked. She chews her lip, taking in his old man boxers, except they don't look bad at all on Edward.

Even covered in faded worn stripes, this best friend of hers has a fine ass.

She knows.

She's seen it, twice.

He has the sexiest lower-back dimples.

"B!"

She jumps a little on her knees at his suddenly loud voice. His face isn't buried in her pillow any more.

"Stop checking out my ass." If smirks could kill she would have been dead years ago.

Brown eyes roll as she stretches to reach for the water bottle. "Fine."

This, of course, means that her scantily clad tits loom right in his face, up close and so fucking personal… and beautiful. His mouth has no problem watering now.

Just as she grabs the water in her free left hand, a loud beeping is heard. And, Bella, ever the eloquent and poised young lady that she is, startles and crashes right down on to Edward's face with her chest.

"_Umf…_"

"Fucking hell," she shrieks, and she scrambles, all legs and flailing free arm and breasts.

Edward just lays there and groans… and maybe nuzzles.

Then a recorded voice can be heard throughout the apartment. _"Hi Bella,_"—hiccup—_"Hi Edward._" It's fucking drunken Alice. _"Bet you two are having some fun right about now!"_ Hyena laughing ensues.

They freeze, stunned, Edward's cheek still pressed to Bella's breast. They are both breathing hard, probably for different reasons.

Then they hear, _"Yo, Edward, my main man!_"It's drunk, jive-talking Jasper. Fabulous. _"How's it hangin', brotha'? Hard and to the left, I bet._"He snorts and crazy cackles.

Edward's nostrils flare. His friend is so dead, too.

"_Jasper, give me the pho-on-nah—"_

"_Jeez, Ali…_"

"_Anyway, you guys, thanks for coming out to celebrate with us tonight. Or, last night, really, because it's like eight hours after we recorded this message and left you two stranded…_" She donkey laugh._ "I love that club, and that stripper crying was fun, right? Edward, you were so mean taking her cuffs when she tried to give you a lap dance. Ha!_"Evil Alice giggle, then, "_Thank God, too, because we put those to good use, didn't we, Jazzy?_"

There's some muffled moving around. They hear the sound of spanking. She continues, "_I love you guys… we lurv you… and you need to remember that after what I say next._"Another hyena laugh and some gross drunk kissing. _"Jasper was so sweet deciding not to leave you two in a bind forever, so he hid one of the keys inside Edward's ugly boxers. We need to talk about your choice of underwear, Edward. Seriously, I—"_

Click.

They lie in stunned silence.

Edward exhales harshly, irritated because of the situation he now finds himself in: one, his head is pressed to Bella's torturous breast, and two, a key is taped where his hard-on still aches uncomfortably underneath him against Bella's blue flower embroidered bed spread. This, of course, snaps Bella out of her stupor, because the feel of Edward's warm breath flowing over her tiny pink t-shirt, down between her cleavage and way too close to her confused nipples is enough to cause every single nerve ending to go on hyper-Edward-alert.

Dropping the water bottle down on the bed, she screeches, _"_Fuck!" as she uses her free again left hand to shove off of Edward's face roughly.

"Ow."

"Oh, shush!" She is incredulous. "Why, Edward?" Panicked brown eyes fly around the room, then land back on his green ones. "Why would they do this to me?"

Scrunching his face where it smarts, Edward glares, thinking how typical it is that his best friend is only thinking about herself. "In case you have forgotten, there's two people handcuffed to this bed, Bella. And, one of us is helpless." Her mouth drops open, but he keeps on. "So unless you want to stay this way for the rest of _forfuckingever_ then I suggest you calm the fuck down and get over yourself. You are not the one who has a key taped to his erect dick!"

Bella freezes. She's not sure that she heard him correctly. "Um…" She bites her bottom lip. "Did you just say that your dick is hard, Edward?"

Okay, that should not sound good coming out of Bella's mouth, but it does… a lot.

"Fuck! Edward! Stop humping my bed!" She smacks the exposed area of his ass again and he groans. His butt clenches and she starts gesticulating wildly. "You… you just… make it go away… right now, Edward! Right the fuck now!"

"Seriously?" He can't believe her. "Bella, if you think it's that easy to _make it go away_ then let me educate you to the workings of my most prized body part." He licks his lips, his eyes zeroing in on her rainbow striped panties and moving up her trim exposed tummy to her tits and stopping right at her pretty peaked nipples poking out at him through that fabric. "That's not happening, especially when I can see all of your body parts that make you so perfectly different from me!"

Her mouth snaps shut.

Then it drops open again. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"Um, right." Cue more blinking and another head shake.

"Look," he huffs, "there's no way around it." His eyes shift up to hers. "So buck it up Swan… soldier on, soldier!"

She narrows her eyes, "Don't call me soldier, Edward. Do _not_ call me soldier! You know I hate that." She shifts around on her knees to face him better and then eyes his partially exposed ass. She shakes her head again and, blushing, says, "Okay, can you roll over to your back? Or, um…"

His entire body flushes, because he knows his best friend, who he has secretly had the hots for going on seven long years now, is about to get an eyeful, and then some. He clears his throat. "Yeah, I can do that. Just, don't hit me again, alright?"

"I make no promises."

Giving a silent prayer, for what and to whom he has no idea, Edward sort of bounces then twists his hips, trying to turn over to his back but only making it about three-quarters of the way when he hears it.

"Oh my God_…_"

Freezing, arms now twisted awkwardly over his head at his elbows and his abs clenching tight, Edward's eyes flash to Bella's stunned ones. Yeah, she's obviously going to need a minute. Her wide eyes are zeroed in on his obviously erect cock, which no doubt has just flopped around nicely for her viewing pleasure while he was trying to flip over. And now it's making a huge-ass tent at the front of his striped boxers. He swallows hard.

So does she, except her free hand also sort of flutters at her breasts. She might have almost accidentally cupped one.

Then she licks her lips and her mouth hangs open, her breath fluttering out a little shakily, just taking in his size and shape. She whispers to no-one in particular, "I mean…I told them it was, but…" She trails off.

He groans. "Fuck, B. You cannot say things like… wait, you've been talking about my dick with someone?"

She blinks, ignoring him entirely. "You're just so huge. I fucking knew it would curve like that…" She breaks off and starts humming that popular song at the part where it goes _'to the left, to the left_', her free hand leaving her breast area to grip around the top of her bare thigh, sliding her palm up and down minutely as her hips shift around.

Of course, his cock twitches because he sees that shit. This is so not fair.

He can't help it. He yells, "Bella! Eyes up here!"

Her eyes flick to his and she realizes what she has just been doing. Flushing deep red, she shrugs, trying to play it off. "What? It's right there, Edward! And, I'm a girl, so…"

The bark of laughter that explodes from Edward then is like a tidal wave of cold water. She fumes and bristles. "Shut up!" She smacks his chest then reaches to twist and pinch his left nipple. Then she pulls.

Rigid would be an understatement, as far as finding an accurate description for the state which his entire body morphs in to. It's more like _if-he-was-not-handcuffed-he-would-definitely-attack-her-lying-down-and-not-with-tickles_ kind of state. He's pretty sure the look he gives her is anything but platonic. "Bella Marie Swan, I swear to fucking God if you touch me like that again you are going to pay."

Her breath lodges at the inflection in his voice.

Oh.

Well then.

Warning thrown down, Bella, being the daughter of one stubborn Police Chief Charles Swan, can't help herself. Tilting her head to the side, wide and challenging eyes locked to his, she moves her free pointer finger to touch his bare chest right between his pecs and sees his lips thin out. She slides it down slowly over his abs, around his belly button twice, and then down further to drift in and around and through his happy trail.

Two groans are heard, one male and one female.

Heat flashes straight to his cock, pulsing and twitching and leaking. His entire body seizes and both cuffed hands fist and pull uselessly at their restraints. He exhales slow trying to keep his cool. His next words are rough and low. "You want to explain to me why you just did that?"

"Um…" Her pulse is pounding as she now watches her finger's path through his reddish coarse hair, mesmerized. "Well, I just can't help myself apparently…" Her eyes glaze over a little, too. "And it's your fault!" She unconsciously scoots a little closer, still sitting on her bent knees. "Anyway, you know better than to challenge me."

He stares at his beautiful friend from under lowered lids, watching and feeling some sort of shift in energy. It kind of crackles around them in the air. He has no idea how to respond to her words either, because he does know her and he realizes, too, that she knows him just as well, and the way she's watching her finger touching him right there… well, it's just so completely fucking obvious.

Bella Swan, his best friend for years, has it bad for him, too.

Well, fuck.

He never considered that.

Not in a million years.

She always plays around with him but never goes anywhere over the friendship line.

She's had boyfriends, for fuck's sake.

But now he's thinking that he's maybe been a fool, not reading the signs correctly because he was so busy hiding his own feelings from her. Well, he only hid his sexual feelings—his lust and need—from her. He's had no issues letting her know that she is his number one friend each and every single day, and that he cares about her the most.

And she has done the same.

Yeah.

Fucking fool indeed.

More like fools, plural.

"Edward?" It's a whisper.

His eyes are glued to her face as she continues to watch her roaming pointer finger. He swallows deeply and replies, just as quiet. "Yeah?"

"I'm scared to get the key."

He feels her nerves, no longer caring about himself but instead wishing that Alice and Jasper had not put Bella in such a position where she feels like this. His head drops back into the pillow and she looks at his face, shy and uncertain now despite her earlier antics. She doesn't stop touching him, though.

She just stares at him, eyes shining.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he looks her in the eye and says sincerely, "It's okay, B. Don't worry, because when we get out of this I am going to—"

Her giggles cut him off. "No, you doofus!" Her fingers pull at his tiny hairs and he yelps. "I'm scared I'm going to sprain my wrist trying to find that key around your behemoth penis!" She sputters and cracks up, leaning forward now because she is laughing so hard, and her head comes to rest on his stomach.

She's so mean.

Oh-ho, she is so fucking mean! And her soft brown hair falling down and swishing against his bare chest? Yeah, that shit right there is just plain cruel.

She's asking for it.

He growls.

She shoots up and off, goose bumps breaking out on her arms at the sound.

He's got a little crazy look in his eye, the fierceness on his handsome face letting her know he means business. "Okay, that's it, Bella! I have had enough. It's time to fucking SOLDIER ON!"

He did _not_ just say that to her. She's stunned. But she knows there's no more stalling.

It's the vein in his forehead that says so.

He's relentless, yelling out, "I SAID SOLDIER ON! SOLDIER ON! Take that fucking free hand and get that key, soldier! NOW! Operation Johnson is in full effect! Get that fucking key, SOLDIER! Move it, move it, move it! Now!"

Bella jumps, her eyes bug out and her nostrils flare, her lips pressing together. Her free hand moves of its own accord, diving through that reddish coarse hair and under the elastic band of his old-man boxers and finding… nothing but thick hot cock.

It's very distracting, too.

She can feel his ridge and his vein and does what's only natural, wrapping her hand around him.

He chokes on his breath and squeezes his eyes shut tight, and then he looks down because Bella's warm hand is wrapped around his cock. She squeezes and he chokes again, then forces out, high pitched and desperate, "It's at the base… on the underside! Fuck!"

Refocusing, she screeches, "Okay, okay!" Maintaining her grip, her hand slides down to his base where she feels the small strip of tape holding the key securely in place at his base.

A long, low moan fills the room and she freezes, her eyes shooting back to Edward's. She gulps and grips again, tighter.

"Argh!" Edward makes a pained noise. "Bella, please!" He's practically out of breath. "Fucking get that key right now before I humiliate myself all over your hand!" His green eyes are begging.

She cannot help the thrill that shoots up her spine as she reacts, releasing her grip and ripping off that tape and key quickly, then slides her back up and out.

They are both panting as her arm raises high in the air in victory, and she yells, "I got it! I got the key!" Her arm is waving it back a forth like a flag flying in the wind. And then that fucking handcuff key proceeds to come unstuck from that fucking scotch tape. They both watch helplessly as it falls and bounces off the edge of Bella's bed and down to her hardwood floor beside them.

_Plink._

"Fuuuuuuck!" It's a girl scream and it's coming from Edward's wide-open mouth.

Her reaction is more of the I-just-fucked-up-royally variety, "Oopsy-daisy, ha ha." She's looking everywhere but at him. She whistles.

"BELLA!"

Yep, he's livid. And still hard.

"The key just fell onto the fucking floor!"

She rolls her eyes. "Again, Captain Obvious?"

"Don't you dare patronize me after that fuckedupness!"

She deflects, now staring at his furious green eyes and not at his boner. "Edward Anthony Cullen." Her hand, still holding the traitor tape, is at her hip. "Don't you yell at me." Her eye twitches in her fake defensiveness. "I just suffered a humiliating ordeal with my hand down your pants… I mean boxers…s-s-so there!" She's at the end of that rope, so she adds "And fuckedupness is not even a word!" She huffs.

Edward just glares, and then glares some more. Then he lets his eyes rake from top to toe—well, knees in this case—and then back up, blatantly pausing at her perky nipples through that super thin pink t-shirt. Slowly and clearly, he says, "It's called Urban Dictionary, Bella. Everything is a word and has multiple meanings there." With his eyes back on her tits, he continues. "And, I don't think 'suffer' or 'humiliating' are the right terms to use regarding your 'ordeal'_. _In fact, I'd say that you enjoyed it down there based on the evidence of your torture-tits."

She's incredulous, her pretty brown eyes doing that crazy wide thing. "Torture-tits? Torture-tits, Edward? I'll give you torture-tits—"

Now it's his hysterical laughter that cuts her off. He spits out between guffaws, "You'll give me… torture-tits? Really? Because _that_ would be _awful_!"

His laughter is infectious. She watches her friend lose it, and she realizes how ridiculous they are being, so she starts to giggle, too. And, quickly, that giggling turns into that silent, wheezy, almost-crying laughter. Tears form in her eyes. Spit gathers.

Once they get it all out of their systems, Edward speaks first, arms still twisted above his head. "We are being idiots, B."

Giving him a small feminine smile, she agrees. "I know."

Quiet now, Bella grabs the forgotten water bottle and helps Edward drink several large gulps. Only a little accidentally on purpose dribbles over his face.

When he's finished, they stare at each other, neither of them knowing what to say, and both so fucking aware of something, but unsure of the other. Edward glances at her tits again and hastily looks away. Bella can't help it either and flashes a quick peek to what's twitching inside Edward's boxers. She looks away, too, and bites her lower lip.

A bird chirps outside.

"Okay, straddle me."

Bella's eyebrows lift sky high. "What?"

Edward's expression is serious but calm. "You're going to have to straddle me and reach with your long leg to grab the key with your toes, Bella."

She scoffs, disbelieving. "Yeah, right."

"It's the only way. You can do it. Remember that time we were drunk at the coast, and you showed off how easy it is for you to grab sea shells with your fucking long alien toes? Remember?"

She blinks. Huh. He has a good point. "I remember. I loved that red string bikini…"

"Oh, me too. You have no idea. So, let's do this, before you get all riled up about Lord knows what."

She blinks, zoning out, and he wonders where she just went, but then she whispers, "Okay," and rises to her knees.

Edward zeros in on those damn rainbow stripped panties, now right fucking in front of his face. He's really going to kill Alice and Jasper for this. Her left thigh lifts up and spreads apart to straddle, and now Edward's focusing on her creamy inner-thigh. He shudders and licks his lips, and forces his eyes shut.

He is thinking hypertwitchilate is a good word, too.

Somewhat impressed, he says in a shaky voice, "Really? Just like that, you straddle me?"

"Well, yeah. I did it last night, too."

His eyebrows shoot up, still not looking, "You did?"

It's a little breathy, "Yeah, I did. That's part of how you made that stripper cry and then you stole her cuffs."

"Oh." Fuck. "I don't remember." Double fuck.

Her knees now placed on either side of his hips, she stretches her handcuffed right hand, which causes Edward's twisted arms to strain, and peers over the bed's edge. Then she huffs.

His eyes pop back open.

Oh, Jesus.

Her pretty perfect tits are right there hanging over him.

He wants to cry.

He wants to bite.

He closes them again.

Clearing his throat he says, "What? What do you see?"

"Um, well, I won't be able to reach them like this."

"Is it too far away?"

"Um, no. I…" She stalls, then continues, "I just need to, uh…"

The next thing he feels is something warm and soft and real. His eyes pop back open wide so he can see her face, because Bella, his best friend of seven years, has just lowered her panty-covered pussy right down over him.

Correction.

Right onto his cock.

He can feel everything.

Yup.

It's a garbled grunt, "Ungfugod! Bella…"

But she's not listening, again.

She's staring, right down between her spread thighs. His cock is huge and hard and perfect against her. She can see the tip's ridge clear as day, and a little wet spot, too. "Oh my God." It's a quiet gasp, then her eyes flash to Edward's, and she says, red-faced, "Hi." She shifts a little.

He groans, and his entire body convulses. Shaking, he swallows deep, his Adam's apple moving slow and sexy. He locks eyes with Bella through low lids. "Hello there."

It's taking everything in him not to use his heels and thrust his hips up.

Because, you know, that would be repulsive.

"Are you comfortable, Bella?"

Bella purses her lips. "Oh yeah. I mean, I guess."

Edward's smirk grows into his trademark crooked grin. "Oh, really? You guess, huh?"

Still quiet, she answers back, "Well, I mean, I could shift around a little more, try to find a better spot or something…" She's trying not to smile.

"You let me know if you need any help with that." He winks, still grinning. "You know, Bella," he pauses, licking his dry lips, his handcuffed hands fisting, feeling empty. "You're really going to need to get that key now."

Her heart flutters. "Oh, yeah?"

His green eyes widen as he nods. "Yeah, because if you don't I'll never get my hands—or hand—on you."

At that she shifts minutely, her eyes fluttering. It's sort of a moan when she says, "Mmm, you need to get your hand on me?"

He groans at the feel of her hot center moving against his painfully hard cock. He grits out, "Yes, I do. But I can't say it out loud. I need to whisper it into your ear." He looks pretty intense..

She looks down once more between her thighs.

She gulps, vibrating a little herself now, and then, nodding, she slowly leans forward. They are both kind of breathing shakily, their eyes watching each other, conveying the possibility, the reality, of seven years of shared hidden feelings.

When she's close enough, Edward whispers in Bella's ear, velvety smooth as sin, "You see, Bella, you have touched and poked and pulled and groped. You've been driving me insane for years, too, and now it's time to retaliate. Get the goddamn key… _please_."

She shivers.

She gasps.

And Edward does something he has always wanted to do next. His tongue comes out of his mouth, and he licks her earlobe, just barely so, and then he bites and pulls slow, growling. His hips shift up and it feels so fucking good, especially when he hears her tiny responding moan.

"Edward." She's shaky still, surprised as she rears back up and stares. Her free hand reaches automatically to her ear.

Something changes in her eyes then, and, the next thing Edward knows, she's moving and shifting and sliding over his cock doing God knows what. But Edward doesn't really care—okay, he does care—but his eyes roll up and he tries not to beg for more—something—_anything_. But then he stills, trying to focus on the words she's just said, because his senses are fucking reeling from cuffed and helpless under Bella on this blue flowered bed.

He really wishes his hands were free so he can fill them with Bella.

Taking a deep breath and releasing it quick, he asks, "What… what did you say?"

She stills too, her eyes a bit glazed, her cheeks flushing hard. Then, her left foot lifts up behind her and she informs, "I've got it. And, it wasn't even that hard."

He glares.

"I meant getting the key, Edward."

She reaches back with her free hand and picks the key from between her toes, and once it's safe and sound in her fingers, Bella settles back over Edward's cock and just waits.

So does Edward. Her heat is killing him.

But he won't wait much longer.

His eyes roam her pretty face, then he lets them move down to admire and take in her form sitting there on top of him, straddling, and looking so torn.

"You want to unlock me?" His wrist jiggles. His eyes hold hers now, and he still waits.

And waits.

And waits some more.

His jiggles his still-cuffed left hand again, but more dramatically, and she jumps, "Okay, fuck!" Now she's in action, leaning forward, torture-tits in his face again, and she's clumsily unlocking the handcuffs next to her bedside table with her free left hand. And, then Edward is free—at least from that one fucking cuff—and he's fucking horny and tired of all the waiting. He's in control, and they're practically in the buff.

He could try to break free from Bella's iron headboard, but no. He's got another plan, much more important than that.

Quick as lightning, he grabs her behind her neck and rolls, pining Bella under him.

Bella, of course, shrieks, wide-eyed and gasping, and he is grinning like the devil, and then slowly, watching her dark eyes and pressing his hard erection right into that aching spot, he lowers his head and circles the tip of his nose around the tip of hers once. He'd be quite happy to wait right there.

Because he's not a fool anymore.

She blinks. "Oh." Her breath stutters out. And after a moment she focuses on his face. "Comfy?"

He gives her that crooked grin again. "Very."

"You sure? Because you could shift around a little, you know, and find a better spot…"

His nose rubs light up the side of hers and back down. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

His voice has dropped to a whisper. "Tell me what you want."

He stops and waits again, and his eyes dip to stare at her mouth.

She licks them and stares at his lips, too. Then, quietly, she says, "Kiss me, Edward."

His hand tightens reflexively at the back of her neck and his eyes move back to hers. His thumb rubs circles behind her right ear.

"Please, kiss me."

He blinks and smiles.

"You want me to kiss you?"

"I want you to kiss me, now." A tiny crease forms between her brows.

He lets his lips get that much closer, almost right there, and he whispers, "Are you sure?" He licks his own lips, then continues. "Because, I don't think I'm quite there yet."

Brown eyes flutter, and blink, confused. "Oh!" Then she fumes and starts to shift away. "Edward Cullen, you are one son of a—"

His mouth crashes down and latches down onto hers. It's not slow and it's not pretty, but Edward kisses the living daylights out of her. Full on the lips, long and deep. He bites, she gasps and her calves wrap around his. He groans and licks and pulls, and Bella never knew it could ever, ever feel this good.

Well, she did know that already. She just didn't ever let it play out in her head. That ship had sailed last night though, because no fucking stripper or anyone else was going to get her Edward. Now she feels a bit aggressive, so her free left hand slides into his messy auburn hair. She gets a good grip and gives a firm tug and shifts her hips to grind against his, and they are all growls, teeth and lips and tongue.

That little shift of her hips has him completely undone. There's no way this is going to be slow and sweet.

No way.

No how.

No sir-ee.

He breaks their kiss and bites and laves across her jaw. And, when he gets to her ear again, panting, he kisses and licks and says softly, "Bella, baby…"

_Oh my God…_

Hands down, it's the sexiest moment of Bella's life.

It's also the worst because a big fat tear falls from each eye.

She sniffs and makes this fucking cry-baby noise, and Edward rears up to look at his best girl… and smiles a loony grin.

"You're crying."

She snorts and maybe snots. "Don't fucking start, Captain O. I can't help how that kills my heart. This morning's been a little _strange_. And we have just been… _kissing_."

He tries really hard not to laugh, and the little grind of his hips forward is totally her fault. She's too fucking cute. "What is killing your heart, baby?"

Now it's an ugly little sob. _"That!_ You're calling me 'baby'!" she cries. Her hand leaves his hair and tries to shove him away.

He doesn't budge. And really, where would he go now that he's right where he wants to be?

He smiles and kisses her chin. It's soft when he whispers through her sniffles. "You're going to need to get used to it." He stops to kiss her cheek. "Because I'm not going to want you to cry every time"—he kisses her the corner of her eye —"I call you," he gives a kiss to the corner of her mouth—"baby… baby."

That brings the smile back to her pretty face. "Oh." She wipes her eyes dry, and continues. "You're going to say that a lot, huh?"

His smile is smug. "A fuckton." His face changes into a very serious, very pointed stare. "Because no-one else will ever be Captain of your fucking O's, Bella."

She freezes and then narrows her eyes, and her hand flies up in the air, coming down and landing hard and with purpose, smacking his still partially exposed derriere. She laughs. "Edward you're so cheesy…"

Of course, the smacking of his exposed ass crack has his butt clenching involuntarily again, which leads to his lean narrow hips thrusting forward, hard.

"Wow… I like that…"

Eyes glued to hers, his nostrils flare. "Oh, you liked that did you?" He circles his hips and grinds again.

She moans and grips the fleshy part of his ass, "Oh, fuck… I really like that…"

Their shared handcuff strains where it's wrapped at the headboard. It's a little awkward with both their hands stuck up there. Edward obviously doesn't care, continuing with his efforts. "I'm so glad." He kisses her deeply again.

Bella gives a helpless little moan into his open mouth, her tongue sliding along his. Her hand grips his ass harder and her hips grind back as he circles.

"Mmm." He breaks away. "I bet I have a few more things you might really like." He presses his forehead to hers and lets his tongue licks her bottom lip.

She's a little breathless. "Oh, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah." His eyebrows lift.

She shrugs, teasing. "Okay."

Smiling, he kisses her once more then moves across her jaw, finding and latching onto her neck just behind it. He sucks and licks again there and she groans, then lips trail down, kissing and licking, until he finds the curve at her neck and he bites and he groans and he sucks. He loves that spot.

Bella must love it too, because her entire body tries to arch closer as her hand on his ass and her calves around his pull him in. "Oh fuck, I really like that, too."

Edward just grunts, lost in her taste and feel. He sucks harder, leaving a mark there for sure.

Her hips speak volumes as to how much she likes that. When he eases off with a pop, all he can do is stare at the deep red mark.

It's so fucking sexy.

Bella pants and grinds against him, giving him some serious friction, and Edward's eyes snap up as he grunts, "Fuck, that feels…so good. So soft and so hot. I can feel your wet panties, Bella." His thin boxers and her rainbow underwear provide almost no barrier. Still circling, he asks, "Shall I keep going, because I've got more…" His cock hits that perfect spot and they both moan. He latches to her neck.

Her eyes refocus as she pretends to think. Then she gives a little chin-nod, and whispers, "Um, yeah… okay by me."

"Okay." He trails under and down from her chin, until he gets to the top of that tiny pink t-shirt…and then he keeps kissing his way down her chest until he stops right over one of her torture nipples, poking right up at him, begging to be devoured. He blows hot breath straight down over her and Bella squirms. Green eyes flash back to hers, and he lowers his head slowly and kisses her tight little nipple once.

Pretty brown eyes flutter as Bella gasps, "Edward…"

Then he devours, his lips surrounding and sucking her in deep through that thin fabric. He's pretty sure he could bite the shirt off if he wanted, but he just keeps sucking, and then his tongue's tip is flicking quick and hard. And Bella's bucking, her hand now fisting his hair hard as she holds him to her breast, and moans, "Oh, God."

The sound is intoxicating.

His hand leaves the back of her neck and grips her right hip, as he thrusts into her center so hard the bed creaks. His mouth releases her tit to latch onto the other and his hand slides around her bare thigh to grip her ass. One of his fingers slips under the edge of her panties right at that sexy little crease where her ass and upper thigh meet. The groan he gives out around her breast is low, dark and deep.

He releases her from his mouth and rests his head there between her tits. His hand at her ass squeezes hard a few times and Edward smiles and says, muffled between her soft full breasts, "You know, I have fantasized about how awesome it would be to have you just like this at least ten thousand times." He laughs through his nose at himself. "But I had no idea, Bella, no idea how good it would be." He looks up at her then, serious as hell. "And I haven't even really begun."

Bella is stunned, shaking her head a little and blushing, and then she smiles as she looks straight into his dark green eyes. "You kind of just stole my line, you know."

"I stole your line?"

"You stole my line."

His hand releases her ass and moved to her front, where he lets his pointer finger trace at her ribs. Still holding her gaze, he says, "Well, then, it's way past time for me to steal second base." He slides his finger down to her bare tummy and delves under the lower hem of her shirt.

She smiles and bites her lower lip, and says, "Second base?"

"Yeah, second base."

"I think you've already reached second base."

"Not according to fourteen-year-old-me's version of what second base is. Or at least the first step."

"I had your cock in my hand, Edward."

"True, but that didn't count because it was forced and we hadn't experienced first base yet."

"Oh, well carry on then."

And so he carries on, letting his large warm hand slid up her ribcage to cup under her breast. Bella watches his eyes and she shivers, sliding her palm to the back of his neck, because he seriously looks like he could cum from this and this alone.

Well, and from having a hard on for over an hour.

He blinks and says, "This is like a spiritual moment for me, so…"

"Edward, lift my shirt up."

"Oh. Yeah. Okay." But he is obviously conflicted, because his now freed hand is kind of trapped at Bella's right breast. It's like he and his hand are arguing inside his head. The hand must lose because it finally slides back out from under her tiny tight t-shirt and lifts and slides is up and over to the top of her chest.

And he just stares.

He lips pucker and purse.

She's just so pretty and perfect and perky, with pink peaks.

His breath puffs out and his jaw drops open and shuts closed with a snap.

There might have been a tiny growl.

His jaw muscles clench and freaks out.

Then his eyes flash up hers though his lowered lids, and he grins a devilish grin. And he attacks, but not how she expected. He grips her right breast again fully in his left fist, and he just rubs his entire face across and over and around both of Bella's tits.

And then he motorboats.

Well, as best he can with only one hand anyway.

Bella squeals and squirms. "Edward! Ah!" Then she giggles at the sounds Edward makes into her cleavage.

Edward stops, breathless and he smirks up at his beautiful exposed girl. "What, did you think that was never going to happen? It was always going to happen, Bella."

"You are just a big—"

He growls and swoops down, attaching his lips around her nipple, and then he sucks hard and bites.

"Oh!" She moans and her hand flies back up to his sex hair and fists. "Mmm, God."

It's safe to say Edward is one happy, happy boyfriend. He sucks and licks and pulls and flicks to his and Bella's delight. He's got her so worked up and desperate by the time he moves to her other breast, their centers are practically molded together as they grind and circle and trust in perfect unison.

It fucking feels so good.

At some point, Bella's hand leaves Edward's hair to slide her nails down his back. He grunts around the nipple deep in his mouth and laves her, and then he bucks when she finds his ass. Because, Jesus fucking Christ, Bella can get a firm grip when she wants to. It's really awesome.

The next thing he knows, her hand and one foot are trying to push down his boxers even more, and he's not sure she's even aware. Releasing her with a last suck and pull and pop, Edward stares down at the tits he's just devoured—_thoroughly_—because they are swollen and red-tipped.

Very fucking erotic.

Then, stilling his hips, he looks up at Bella, whose eyes are closed and whose mouth is hanging open. He grins and says in a rough aroused voice, "Baby." He clears his throat. "Baby, you uh… you want me to, um… help you out a little?"

"Edward…" She just moans and her eyes stay closed. She seems a little lost in the moment because she's still attempting to rock against his weeping cock and possibly unconsciously get him naked. She's doing a good job, too, because his fine ass is completely exposed. It's just his front that's still covered. All he needs to do is lift up.

"Bella, baby," he lowers his swollen lips to kiss her and she immediately responds, her tongue finding his own and she moans. Edward gets caught up in the play of their mouths for a moment because it's just so fucking new. Then he breaks off and puts his forehead to hers and smiles and waits for his girl to regroup.

Pretty brown eyes blink open and focus. "Hi."

"Hey."

"I was wondering," he starts, licking his lips as her eyes shift down and back up, "if you, uh… wanted to get naked?"

She blinks and her hips react instinctually, pressing up into his. She bites her lower lip and then licks it slow. "Um, is that a trick question?"

"Why would that be a trick question?"

She swallows. "Well, you kind of _alluded_ earlier to the fact that you maybe were not quite there yet, so…"

He snorts and kisses her again. "It's not a fucking trick question, Bella." He lowers his mouth to suck her swollen bottom lip and pull. "Not even a little bit."

Her entire body convulses. "Oh, God, put your cock in me!"

"Fuck, B!"

They are wild, tearing as best they can with their fucking left hands—because that's not fucking easy when it's your non-dominant hand—and finally they are both completely naked. Well, Bella isn't. Her t-shirt is pushed up on her chest as high as it will go.

They are both still and breathing hard as they each lay angled on their sides, their right hands still handcuffed above their heads to the headboard. Edward's free left hand rises to her right shoulder and he slides it down over her breast, circling her pretty nipple, then over her curved hip, where it stays.

His dark green eyes drift down, too, and focus on the prize.

Bella's fucking bare-as-in-no-hair pussy.

Fuck!

He groans dark and low and just stares.

And, Bella kind of does the same, except her hand trails down from behind his neck and over his lean muscled chest. She tweaks his left nipple, making his narrow naked hips rut forward a little, and she trails down his clenched abs and into that so sexy trail of auburn hair, and further down to wrap around his purple-tipped cock. It's so thick and heavy and perfect in her hand. The veins protrude and pulse, and she licks her lips.

Reflexively, he tightens his grip on her hip as he looks quickly down at her hand wrapping him there before his eyes flash back up. "Bella, we don't have a condom, do we?"

Their bodies sort of still against each other as she tightens her grip on him, making him groan. "I, uh … no we don't." Her hips tilt toward him more as she lies on her side. She blushes red. "But, I'm good to go."

His breath whooshes out, then he grins and says shakily, "You're good to go, huh? I'll be the judge of that."

His hand at her hip slides down and around to grip behind her right thigh and drape it over his left hip. He looks down between them and is utterly blown away, because never did he think they would be in this position. He shudders. Her pretty pink lower lips exposed, he can see her swollen clit and her wet folds. Then he slides his hand back up her inner thigh and pauses at its crease. Green eyes flash back to brown, and he says, "Bella, I am going to touch you now."

She blinks. "Please." Her hand strokes down his leaking cock once. "Touch me, Edward. Now."

And he does, sliding in to cup her naked sex full on. His fingers at her center press and circle and she bucks. He releases a long, low moan at the feel of Bella's wet heat and he comes undone. He swoops in and kisses her hard, open mouthed and wild; his fingers slide up and find her clit to pinch it once, then move in rough tiny circles.

He's uncontrolled, breaking from her mouth. "Fuck, baby!" He feels her hand pull him closer by his cock and he bites her neck. "Fuck, you're so hot and wet for me."

She moans against his neck and kisses and sucks him there. "Oh, God… Edward… please…"

He loves it, his fingers moving down as she strokes his cock so good, finding her wet opening and slipping his first two fingers just inside and circling where she aches and clenches.

"Fuck, Bella…" He is reeling.

"Edward, please…"

His fingers just circle and tease there as he lifts his forehead back to hers. He kisses her open mouth once more. "Last chance, Bella." His eyes are intent on hers. "No condom, so…"

She shudders as he presses a little deeper inside. Then she lets the pad of her thumb rub over his leaking slit and demands, "Fuck the fucking condom, Edward… I already said get inside me!"

He fucking shudders.

Then he smiles, "Okay… screw third base!"

He rolls her to her back and she shrieks. He's between her creamy thighs and they are both trembling. He grabs his own cock and rubs the tip through her wet folds. And then, with wide eyes on hers, he presses slowly inside.

"Oh, God!"

"Fuck, B… fucking fuck!"

There's a slight shifting of awkward handcuffed arms and hips, and then he's deep inside her, hips flush to hips.

She blinks, "Um… wow."

His eyes clench and open again, "That's just… so… good." He looks at her stunned face with crooked grin. "You good?"

She nods dumbly. "Yeah, I'm pretty good."

"Good." She's so tight and soft and hot surrounding him it's hard to keep still. "So, I think I might have a little more to show you." He can't help the shift of his hips.

Bella holds his stare, and shrugs. "Okay, since your behemoth cock is there and all." She's mean again as she clenches her pussy tight, and Edward's eyes roll up into his head. He groans and circles and adjusts, and then pulls back a little and then thrusts. She squeaks, and there's no more time for waiting.

He looks deep into half-lidded brown eyes, and says, "Let's get down to business."

Her eyes widen, his hips shift back and then he slams his cock deep and hard inside his girl.

Eyes still wide, she says, "Oh shit, Edward…" It's just so fucking good.

He nods knowingly. "Oh, yeah, baby. I'm going to fuck you so good. Hold on tight."

His hips snap back and then he lets go, fucking and thrusting and grunting at his girl. And Bella holds on tight like he said, finding and grabbing his ass cheek again. Their arms strain hard, pulling at their cuffed wrists, trying to find more leverage. The bed creaks loudly but they absolutely don't care.

His hips snap back and then he plunges deep again.

Bella cries out. "Edward, yes… oh God…"

He huffs and grunts, his left hand moving to hook under her right shoulder. "Fuck, I know… just feels… so… fucking… good…"

She's yelling, because he's found that perfect spot and his tip repeatedly rubs across her. "Oh, God… _yes, yes, yes_... right there!"

He's wild, latching his mouth again to her right tit, sucking her nipple in hard. He's starting to tighten up as he continues to plow into his girl, and he knows he's going to blow soon. Bella's pussy is clenching his cock so hard, so he knows she's getting there, too.

His hand leaves her shoulder to slide down and under her ass, gripping the fleshy curve with his entire hand. This changes the angle just that much, and he goes a little deeper, and a whole lot harder. He lifts his head. "Look at me, Bella." He grunts and he fucks.

She forces her eyes open and takes in his sweaty hair and pretty face. Her hand pulls him closer to her by his ass, and she smiles. "Hi."

He smiles, too. "Hey, baby."

Her eyes roll a little and she clenches more, feeling her orgasm approach. "I just wanted to say that, um… your cock is kind of a rock star."

His eyes sparkle. "Oh yeah? You like my cock?" He swallows and licks his lips.

"Um, yeah… he can be my friend."

His green eyes narrow. "Friend huh? I'll show you friend."

He slows down and stays buried deep and just works his tip back and forth over that spot as her eyes go wide. "Oh… um… that's more than friendly…"

"Bella…" He's going to cum soon.

"Oh, God… Edward. Don't stop doing that." She starts to close her eyes again.

"Bella, don't take your eyes off me."

Her eyes open just barely and she focuses on his face again.

"I want you to cum on my cock. Just like this." He stays slow and deep, circling and barely pulling out and then sliding back in. Over and over, hitting that spot as their eyes stay locked, until she tightens and starts to shake. She sort of screams, and he smiles and groans, tightening himself, so ready to explode. Their mouths find each other and his tongue slides in and mimics the movement of his hips, and that does just the trick.

They both topple over, as Bella begins to shudder and convulse around him, squeezing him tight. Her muscles flutter and clench and she milks his cock so good and hard. He bucks and grunts into her, and cums so fucking hard. They sort of laugh out incredulously though awed orgasmic smiles, it's that fucking good.

After he's finished, he stays deep inside, loving her aftershocks. He kisses her sweetly and buries his head in the crook of her neck. "Fuck, baby." She clenches again around him again. "Mmm, I love being inside you."

Bella shudders one last time and relaxes under him. She murmurs from under him, "Megablissgasmic…"

Edward cracks up and shifts to rest on his right forearm. He reaches with his free hand to smooth her sweaty hair off her flushed face. "I knew you would come to the dark side. Urban Dictionary's going to love that one."

She smiles, her eyes still closed, and whispers the obvious, "Edward, you've seen my cum face." She flushes a deeper red.

"I have, indeed. And, not for the last time, either." He kisses her chin and waits for her to open her eyes. "Because I'm your Captain O." Then he pulls out slowly, and she hums and he sighs, but he stays between her spread thighs. "And for the record, Operation Johnson turned out just fine."

She giggles. "That's just so… so…"

"Baby, as soon as you touched my cock everything became about Operation Johnson."

They lay there for a bit, just resting and staring and smiling and sometimes slowly kissing. Bella is the one to break the silence. "You know, Edward, I think we broke my bed."

His eyes pop open and flash to their cuffed hands, and she's right. Somehow, when they were learning to be no-longer-just-best-friends…Bella's iron headboard snapped at a weakened spot, freeing them from its confines. Of course, they are still handcuffed together, but at least they can get up off the bed.

Just then, another loud beep sounds out to them and they freeze and stare at each other, waiting.

It's Alice, again, only this time she doesn't sound so chipper.

"_Holy shit you guys… you guys… I have the worst hangover._" There was a small gagging sound. _"And I don't understand this smell in the air here at all. I thought Paris would be all pastries and paint, but it's not. It smells like ass right now._"

They hear something that sounds like it just sagged to the floor. _"Jasper, don't you fucking pass out right there._" _"Fucking pussy. Anyway, guys, I wanted to say that I hope you two are having some fun. Get it, get it. Ha… ouch. And, um… Jesus my head… um, the other key is at the bottom of Bella's shower gel… so, you know… hope Jazzy's plan worked and that weakened iron broke on Bella's headboard… Baby? Jazzy, roll over!_"

They hear Jasper cry a little.

"_You owe me a new Swiss Army knife, by the way._"And she just hangs up.

Edward looks at Bella.

And Bella looks at him.

"So… you want to take a shower?" She blushes deep "With me?"

With a crooked smile, he answers, "Yeah, I do. Because we forgot something, you know."

Her eyebrows lift. "We did?"

"Yep, we sure did. And since we need that handcuff key, I'm thinking the shower is the perfect place to for us to round third base."

Bella quite agrees.

**~*~The End~*~**

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